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April 15th– Part 3: Life After Loss

Dried up tear stains on our faces. Unanswered questions etched in our minds. Through swollen, puffy eyes we try to look forward. We try to look past the pain. We try to embrace this change.

Days turn into weeks. We mourn him. We say goodbye. We carry his ashes around our necks in memory of him. We miss him.

Yashua was cremated and his ashes were placed in our hearts

Through tears and grief, life is still being created. Through the loss of love, life is formed.

Three weeks and 3 days later, life is discovered.

The announcement of a new baby being added to the family was exciting, although we were still in mourning. The thought that Yashua was gaining another nephew but would not get the chance to know him and bond with him was heartbreaking. Through this emotional rollercoaster, we were advised that this new life was estimated to arrive around Yashua’s birthday (January 1st) – wow! Was this a sign from God? There’s a saying “When one life dies, a new life is born." Was Yashua’s life taken so his nephew’s life can be given? So many unsettled questions.

Grief does not have an expiration date so with each passing day, we had to adjust to this new way of living. We learned that just because we 'buried' him, that did not mean our emotions were buried with him. We had to suffer and survive this sorrow.

Again, our days turned into weeks and our weeks evolved into months. The baby was growing as our hearts were healing. The anticipation of his arrival kept us looking for answers from God.

January 11th, 2019: Kyro Yashua was born.

The name Kyro means "A king or God" and is of Hebrew origin. His name was delivered to Kalabe, his mother, through a dream she had where Yashua came to visit her. The name Yashua derived from Hebrew means “Yah (Jesus) is salvation”.

Kyro Yashua

Through this emotional journey, I learned several things about myself and about my family but most importantly, I learned about God. I learned that in order to have divine peace I have to practice unconditional trust in Him. Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls my life.

To my family and anyone who has suffered or is still suffering from the loss of a loved one:

Healing takes time.

It takes practice.

It takes love.

I pray we all find peace.

This 3-part post is in dedication to a young black man who was killed from gun violence. My writings are dedicated to my healing process and to my family, in hopes that we all heal eventually.

In memory of Yashua A. McMillion 1/1/95 - 4/15/18

We miss you!

Baby Yashua w/his mother, Deanna

Yashua w/his first nephew, Khelil

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